It is very hard to find the words that could adequately explain the devastation myself and my family feel.
When I heard on the 17th of January 2023 that James’ life was in danger, I did not quite believe it. I went straight into panic and shock. When I received the call from my daughter to tell me my baby had passed, I fell to the floor. I was left crying so loud, screaming, feeling absolutely weak and numb.
Once the police came to see me that evening, I knew that it was real. I had headaches and I could not move my head for weeks afterwards.
James was very precious and special to me; he was my baby of the family. Now we have lost him for good and forever my heart is broken.
To see my son in a morgue was the worst nightmare a parent could imagine. I found myself running so many emotions all at once. I was hurting badly, feared, angry and so sad for my beautiful boy James.
To see my son in a coffin and to be buried at just the age of 18; how a mother is ever meant to live her life again ever knowing all this has happened to her baby.
It has broken my heart even more having to go through the murder case at court and watch my son being brutally murdered. This is something I now have to live with for the rest of my life every time I think of my baby boy. I keep seeing the savage injuries inflicted on my son and what I saw cannot be unseen again. I listened to the coroners’ examinations and how deep that knife was put into my son’s body with force, which I cannot get my head around.
Our whole lives have been turned upside down since that day, I have felt like I’m going out of my mind and I cannot change it. I’m watching my own mother, father, brother and my other children, Edward and Katie completely breaking, hurting and crying. James and his brother, Edward, were very close and Edward will miss him dearly, forever without him. It makes me so sad that I can’t help them either.
I want to state and make it clear to the court that since James was the age of 15 years old, he was not involved in any gang rivals as he was staying in secure units due to medical reasons for 2.5 years with no access to the public or access to any phone calls unless with supervision.
I feel completely broken to know my sons plans he had for his future are never going to happen, his whole life to never be. This makes me feel like I, at times, just did not want to be in this world either. It made me feel like I could not leave the house. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to see anyone and just stay in bed. I have felt, at times, so angry with life. I have not been able to work with how I’m feeling, and this has caused myself and my husband to struggle and worry at times even about our home. I have been living my own life sentence since the 17th of January 2023 because James is gone.
To you both I cannot find the right words for you. I just don’t think there are any words for things like you both. The only question I have for you both is ‘Why?’. You both had no right to take James’ life and I will never forgive you. I hope that from today forwards you cowards look at yourselves and you see my beautiful son looking back at you. James may now be above us in heaven, but he was always above you both anyway. You may have taken him from this world but not completely, he will remain in our minds, hearts, and souls forever. He was loved by so many, and he will never be forgotten.
Rest in Peace Raymond James Quigley.
RJ’s world forever.